Monday, March 21, 2005

Riding the circle that precludes life.

Courtney rambled on @ 10:34 PM

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Monday, August 23, 2004

I think I like livejournal better.


Courtney rambled on @ 3:51 PM

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Saturday, August 21, 2004

I don't think I can handle many more goodbyes for this week.

Saying goodbye to Nazlee and Colleen was like saying goodbye to my teenage years. It was the final end to all the high school memories and everything associated with that part of my life. Desert Vista, cross country, my first drinks, first kiss, first hit, first cigarette, learning to drive, teaching everyone to drive in my shitty car, scavenging for change so we could get 2 tacos for $1 after practice, prank wars, hiding alcohol in shampoo bottles, black rock, havasupai, driving up and down Rural, crazy road, graduating, beginning college, leaving home. I'm really glad they didn't leave me when everything got so screwed up. I didn't think saying goodbye was going to be so hard...

"I know that goodbye means nothing at all."


Courtney rambled on @ 5:00 AM

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Friday, August 20, 2004

Its the random little things that let you forget the rest of the world, even if only for a few minutes.

And I have flowers.

Off to let the Benedryll do its thing...

Courtney rambled on @ 5:56 AM

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I can't help but feel like something is missing.

Courtney rambled on @ 3:02 AM

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Thursday, August 12, 2004

I have a kidney infection, again. Started the summer with one so I guess I might as well finish the summer with one. Blah.

The antibiotics I am on right now are crazy. The side effects say nervousness, anxiety, paranoia, abnormal thinking, abnormal dreams, and some other good stuff. My mom keeps laughing at me because I keep stuttering and then looking all confused. I'm all sorts of confused and disoriented. I've never taken an antibiotic like this before. Everything is kinda hazy and surreal. Hopefully it annihilates whatever pathogen has caused this pain. And thats what I call better living through chemistry.

I think I'm just going to sell the bad kidney on the black market and chuckle to myself when somebody buys it and it becomes a pain in their side. Literally.

Listening to Plush reminds me of my mom. It always makes me happy.

Courtney rambled on @ 10:20 PM

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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

My back hurts. I can't tell if the muscles are just all messed up from sleeping weird or if its one of my organs, most likely the kidney of doom. My mom seemed worried, though she always is when it comes to this. My body has felt off for about the past week. I don't like it and I wish I knew what was wrong. Hopefully nothing, but I am going to the urologist, my arch enemy from childhood, on the 18th. The adult in me knows that if anything is wrong its best to discover it now and fix everything before any serious damage is done. But the child in me is running down the hallway towards the elevator in hopes of beating my mom there and making it out of the building before subjected to radiological forms of torture. I guess there will be some answers to this medical mystery in a week. I'm scared, what if something really is wrong? I guess the worst thing that could happen is that they'd decide to opperate and finally correct my reflux. Because its really not a condition found in adults and usually it corrects itself or they opperate. Neither of which happened to myself, it just sort of stopped causing problems until the kidney infection, if that was even a result of it. I haven't dealt with this in about 7 years and I really don't want to.

I just showered but I don't know if I feel like going anywhere tonight. I might just lay in the grass and listen to music and watch the lightning. Ha ha, I sound like some weird loner freak or hippy nature guru, but it makes me happy so I don't care.

Taryn and I still need to play beer pong. Soon.

It was good to see Nazlee and Colleen today. I'm looking forward to dinner tomorrow.

Looks like I'm off to Trevor's to watch Kill Bill Volume 2. I think I'm going to wear my pajamas because I really don't feel like getting dressed. Taryn and Becky are feelin' me on the pajama party. Hell yes. Its funny how almost all of my girl friends in Phoenix have some shade of red hair. What can I say, redheads have more fun.

Courtney rambled on @ 9:42 PM

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I'm just a unique soul. I do my own thing and hope it works out.


email: radiantred@hotmail.com

AIM: radiantred99

Friends:
Alecia
Jennay
Danger
China
Brittany
A-dizzle
Jessica
Chuck
Trevor
Guillermo
Miguel


A Glimpse Into the Past: September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 March 2005 &


Drunken Revelation
The path to enlightenment is few and far between. Listen to thy instinct and thy shall go far. As I travel through the city I wonder what the intentions of the world are and then I am aware that I should not wonder except for myself. For what I want is the respectful honor of everything I value. The things I love are those which I value highest in myself. The people that I embrace are those that share ideals similar to that which I find the highest values on earth and so I trek on, unaware of the negative and only attributing the good which I find in myself and others. The dark clouds are everpresent but I see beyond them and find that a clear sky shall be in the future even if a darkness clouds the moment. Darkness cannot be infinite and a light must come eventually. What and who the light shall be is unknown but one must trust that love and good exists and not deny that there must be some good in the world. We cannot be dominated by evil. And tomorrow may not be the day of my life but that shall pass and I may not know love but love embraces me and life goes on. And so I face tomorow with an enthusiasm ready to penetrate the blackness of the darkest soul and I choose life. - CMP


Stolen Words of Wisdom

"Love cannot save you from your own fate." -Jim Morrison

"Words you say never seem to live up to the ones inside your head." -Chris Cornell

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." -American Beauty

"Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else." -Atlas Shrugged

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might just find you get what you need." -Rolling Stones

"When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed." -Marilyn Manson

"If this isn't what you see, it doesn't make you blind. If this doesn't make you feel, it doesn't mean you've died. If this doesn't make you free, it doesn't mean you're tied. If this doesn't take you down, it doesnt mean you're high. If this doesn't make you smile, you don't have to cry. If this isn't making sense, it doesn't make it lies." -Soundgarden

"I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human." -Tool

"Maybe I just want to fly. I want to live I don't want to die. Maybe I just want to breathe. Maybe I just don't believe. Maybe you're the same as me. We see things they'll never see. You and I are gonna live forever." -Oasis

"I'm looking for a new meditation Still looking for a new way to fly Don't want any plastic validation Not looking for a new way to die." -Stone Temple Pilots

The deepest penetrating wound is the indecency presented by the human heart. -Courtney